Guest Post: Change This ONE Thing To Have More Online Dating Success
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Change This ONE Thing To Have More Online Dating Success
Guys, if we can put our prideful boasting off to the side for a moment, I think it’s time we address a very real situation. We need to talk about online dating.
It can be rough out there on the apps. Especially if you’re looking for something serious. If your experience was anything like mine--or the hundreds of other guys I’ve spoken to or coached--it’s a grind. It’s an exhausting process where day-after-day you open various apps, read profiles, swipe left, swipe right, and send messages in hopes that THIS time you will get some responses. In the event you get the response, you’re probably just trying to get a date on the books before the ghosting. I’ve been there.
But, maybe I’m making too many assumptions. Perhaps that’s not your experience at all.
Maybe you’re the kind of stud who’s absolutely crushing it out there. You’ve got dates lined up every night of the week. You’re in a rhythm and boy are you feelin’ it...on your credit card statement.
If so, how long has this been going on? What percentage of the dates you wind up going on are with the ladies you really want to be going out with? Have you gotten to the part where it starts to feel empty and meaningless? If not, you’ve got an amazing journey of self-discovery waiting for you in the future. If all you can think of right now is galavanting around town padding your stats, then this article isn’t for you.
Whether you’re struggling or “crushing it” there’s a question you should probably ask yourself…
Why am I doing all of this?
I started dating my first wife in 2004. After 4 years together, 2 years engaged and 3 years married, I found myself back on the singles scene and things had changed dramatically. So, I started using the apps...all of the apps.
At first, I was just blowing off steam. Dates didn’t have to mean anything, I was just looking for something to pass the time, something to quell the loneliness brought about by a gut-wrenching life change. I made all of the mistakes, even the shirtless selfie one.
However, after about 9 months I had a realization that clarified for me how online dating works. After that, I started having a lot more success. I spent less time on the apps, and the quantity and quality of my dates continued to improve. I got to the point where I was that guy, the one who was “crushing it.” All of a sudden, I had dates multiple nights of the week. I even pulled off a few multi-date days. I started to feel like “the man” and gradually regained my feelings of self-worth. But it wasn’t long into this lifestyle that I came to realize that I hadn’t even stopped to consider whether I was even ready for an actual relationship.
And this is where things changed for me.
Why I am doing all of this.
Maybe you’re the kind of gentleman who is looking for something casual, maybe you’re in the market for marriage and kids, or maybe you’re looking for something else entirely. Are you clear about what you want?
No matter which path you choose, you inevitably arrive back at the same place, trying to figure out how to get what you want. This is where the realization that I had 9 months into my single life can help.
The fundamental reality is that online dating has fundamentally changed what dating is. Because of that fact, too many of us are walking around with dating tactics and advice set in the wrong paradigm. Most of us learn how to navigate this tricky social landscape through movies, TV, pop culture, and observation of our most charismatic friend. However, the game and rules change when you bring it online. How do I know this? Because for the last 12 years I’ve been working in online marketing.
The only thing that seems to have remained the same since the age of yesterday when our parents met at a bar, is that the responsibility for making the first move (sending the first message) still falls on your shoulders (except on Bumble).
The one thing.
Enough about me, right? You’re reading this article because you want to have more success in your dating life. So, I’m going to do you a solid and tell you the ONE thing that I stumbled upon nearly 5 years ago. You will immediately start having more success when you TRULY understand and apply this very important concept.
Online Dating is Online Marketing
Imagine if you saw an ad for the newest Apple iPhone that said the following.
“Decent technology that can do basically everything other smartphones can.”
Then down in the fine print it says: “Look, I get it, you don’t like nice phones. So just go with the Samsung Galaxy so that it can break your heart later.”
I’m not suggesting that you are one of those “nice guys.” What I am illustrating is that if your profile, like an advertisement, isn’t showing off your BEST sides, isn’t written to create desire, and isn’t specifying what you’re looking for and who you are best suited for, then you are not being nearly as effective as you could be.
Think about dating. REALLY think about it. You are one of MANY unique options, competing in a dynamic marketplace of singles and others who are continuously flowing in and out of availability, and who are all looking for something specific. When I think of it like that, it's a wonder anyone meets anyone at all.
And yet...at least 80% of you reading this have never considered that you are marketing yourself on the dating apps, and have never approached optimizing your profile as a marketer would. Too many guys I’ve met think that the version of themselves that they have in their own head is what comes through on their profile. But it doesn’t, and that approach only ever works despite itself.
Want to know what I mean by this and how serious I am? I used to A/B test my profile photos. I had 5-10 different versions of my written profile. I used to run two different tinder accounts using two different strategies.
Guys, I probably went on more than 50 dates in the time between my divorce and meeting my wife. 80% of those happened in the first 9 months, and 3 months after I changed my strategy, I met my wife and in 2018 we got married by a unicorn.
What I’m saying works. Since 2015, I’ve been coaching people and rewriting dating profiles. In that time, I’ve had the pleasure to attend (and be a groomsman in) weddings of people whose profiles I’ve written. It’s incredibly rewarding.
Where to start
There are plenty of advanced tactics I could share with you, but I’ve discovered that the most important thing I can teach anyone is what a perfect profile looks like. I put together a totally FREE PDF that explains the only 5 things you need your profile. Everything else is unnecessary and potentially even counter-productive. You can pick up the free PDF here: https://www.hitchphilly.com/write-the-perfect-profile
If you find yourself needing a bit more help after that, there are some worksheets and a complete online course.
Here’s to hoping you find the love of your life. If you have any specific questions, drop a comment and I’ll try to answer whatever I can over the next week.
This post was written by Jeff Gibbard from HitchPhilly.com. We all know dating is tough, and online dating can be even harder, so make sure to check out his online course and workbook to start increasing your online dating success!
