The Fight Against Cargo

After their deceiving reign in the 1990s and early 2000s and their subsequent demise in the late 2000s and early 2010s, some fashion scouts are saying that cargo wear is regaining supporters in the far-off distance. I hope this isn't true. Unless we find ourselves living in a post-apocalyptic America where we are left with no choice but to carry all of our belongings at once, cargo shorts/pants deserve their indefinite exile from our wardrobes. During their prime, the bulkiness that came with the “functionality” of cargo decimated the leg line and wreaked havoc on mens’ appearances for years. Their seemingly generous offer of more pocket space presented an obvious solution for the unassuming Jerry strolling down Broad Street wishing he had somewhere to put his phone charger and palm pilot and pocket knife and extra change. Little did those men know the damage cargo wear was doing to their image and overall figure until the fashion realm smartened up and retaliated forcefully, bringing the cargo empire to its knees (and bringing shorts above them).

PHOTO VIA

With the clanking of the change gone and the leg line beautifully restored, each pair of tailored chinos or club shorts have helped to refine our frumpy silhouettes and rebuild our sense of male sexuality, aiding in the swooning of women our cargo-wearing selves had only dreamed of. Sure, some believe that the shrinking inseam in mens’ bottoms is just a fad - here today, gone tomorrow. However, even if this is the case, I hope we have all learned our lesson with cargo. Cargo shorts are for your dad. While cargo won’t make or break you as a gentleman in today’s society, there is an underlying sense of respect that comes from sporting the clean lines on your thighs. Bottom line: If you still own any piece of clothing that is best described by using the word “cargo,” BURN IT. Even if it is lost in the depths of your closet, never to be seen again, take five minutes, find it, and burn it to a crisp. No one will ever miss it, and you will only become a better person if you do.

Normally, here at What Is A Gentleman, we don’t like to tell our readers what to do. Instead, we provide guidance, a constructive account of the knowledge we’ve gained and the experiences we’ve lived during our few years since graduation. After all, a true gentleman will read our pieces and make them his own. This article is personal opinion piece, strictly the viewpoint of the author, me. If you disagree, please yell at me in the comments.

Feel free to share your thoughts or photos of you burning all of your cargo wear in the comments section below.